Mental health and my relationship with my own body and mind, like many people, has sometimes been a struggle. I don’t tend to talk about it that much on the internet or even with some of my closer friends and family members. It’s not because I feel any shame about it - it’s mainly because for the longest time I didn’t talk about it with them so it makes it kind of hard to start now, especially since I am in a much better place.

I did revisit an old post I did way back in the summer of 2015 about negative space and self esteem. I have to admit, I don’t think I was honest with myself when I wrote it. I think it is because I spent a long time convincing myself I was fine and that the way I felt wasn’t that important. I had just graduated from university, was stuck in a retail job that was physically and emotionally exhausting, and I was still trying so hard to be upbeat and confident. I thought that I could just fake confidence until I felt confident instead of addressing the issues I was having with myself.

As cliche as it sounds, I am happy to say that my relationship with myself has become much better with age. I think this is the same for alot of people. We settle down, feel secure in our partners, jobs and homes and start to feel at peace with ourselves. I think getting better has alot to do with the people you surround yourself with, your home and of course spending time doing things for yourself.

Although I am in a much better place than I was in 2015, I still have days when I can feel myself slipping into that negative mind space and it starts chipping away at my self esteem again. I find that I usually allow myself to feel bad when I haven’t been looking after myself physically like exercising, doing my skincare and eating healthy foods. It sounds boring, but having a solid exercise regime, eating plenty of fruit and veggies as well as keeping my skin happy really does wonders for my mood and is a great base for a healthy mental state.

Some of the best advice I have ever received about preventing negative self talk is to recognise your triggers. What are you usually doing before you slip into that negative space? To figure this out I started keeping a journal about what I was eating, what I was doing in my spare time and who I was spending my time with. From here I could identify common things that consistently resulted in me feeling bad about myself. When I figured this out I used to avoid these things completely. But I wouldn’t recommend this - mainly because some of the things that trigger you may be unavoidable. By avoiding them I was just postponing the inevitable, my low moods would just become worst and my anxiety would peak whenever there would be a small possibility of encountering any of my triggers.

Instead I try to build a healthy and rational relationship with my triggers. I acknowledge them and know they might make me feel bad about myself sometimes. But that’s okay. What’s more important is that I don’t allow my self-esteem issues to control my life. If I start to feel bad, I sit in that feeling for a little while and make peace with it. Then once I am ready, I usually talk to my husband about how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way. This doesn’t always make me feel better straight away, but it’s important for me to recognise negative mind space in myself before I spiral - which used to happen alot when I didn’t acknowledge my feelings and tried to push them away.

I know that sometimes it seems impossible to get out of that dark space and that you’re never going to feel okay with yourself. But if I have learnt anything it is that it does get better. You may not be where you want to be and you may not feel confident all the time but you can feel at peace with yourself if you acknowledge your feelings. Acknowledgment and honesty are power when it comes to tackling your relationship with yourself. The more honest you are about your feelings, the easier they are to become aware of and deal with.