Like most people who identify as an “introvert” I have struggled with shyness my whole life. I don’t necessarily see being shy as a negative trait, it’s been part of who I am for a while. However in some ways, I think being shy has held me back and stopped me from doing things that I would have otherwise enjoyed. That’s why in certain situations I have learnt to overcome my shyness in order to live a more fulfilled life.

I understand that overcoming shyness can be scary and intimidating. Especially if you’ve been hiding behind your shyness for so long.

I distinctly remember when I was a small child not even saying “here” for the register during school. I would just raise my hand because I was so anxious about speaking in front of people who weren’t my immediate family. I quickly realised that many of my classmates thought this was strange and perhaps thought I was strange. So eventually I did overcome this. However, I still refrained from speaking in front of others unless it was absolutley necessary. As I got older and left school, I’ve still found it hard to talk in front of alot of people, speak up in group conversations or be the centre of attention.

Speaking up

I’ve learnt that it’s important for me to push myself out of my comfort zone in order to grow as a person. And this means doing things like speaking up. Most of the time I actually do want to speak up and contribute to group conversations but I feel so anxious about talking in front of more than one person - I just stop myself. But instead of cutting myself off before I’ve even opened my mouth I remind myself that what I have to say is just as important as what everyone else has to say. This is not only about overcoming shyness at this point but also having confidence in myself and what I have to say. I also tell myself that the people I choose to interact with in a group are usually people who care about me and don’t want me to feel anxious about talking.

Being ambitious

This isn’t essentially something I consciously did, but rather something that just happened organically. In every job I’ve had, I’ve always wanted to do well, make a difference and be a well-respected, valued member of a team. And in my career this means contributing ideas, negotiating with different departments and even presenting strategies in front of a audience. In order to exceed expectations and be successful at my job I needed to overcome shyness to a certain extent. So, in this case my ambition did override my shyness and in some ways I feel less shy when it comes to my work now. What I really appreciate about this sentiment is that my desire to do well was subconsciously prioritised over my anxious feelings about talking and contributing to group conversations.

Faking it

I’ve spoken about faking it before, specifically when it comes to confidence and I think this applies to shyness too. You can still feel shy and talk to a stranger, you can still feel shy and give a presentation and you can still feel shy when you are the centre of attention. By being brave and throwing yourself into situations where you don’t feel comfortable you are already taking a step towards being less shy. Even if you feel awkward and scared, try your best to force a smile and relax. It is easier said than done however as the old saying goes practice does indeed make perfect when it comes to faking it.